Da Lab"RAI"tory

She's Back!

2009-02-04T07:35:00.003-11:00

I’m BBAACCCCCCCCKKK!

For the first time in about a month, I feel like myself. It is hard to explain, but I am slowly getting back to me and it feels GOOD! I have a group of friends who are AWESOME! I don’t think they really know how much they mean to me. It feels great to be surrounded by positive people at this time in history. We are truly destined towards greatness.

Barak Obama… I have to admit, I tend to steer clear of politics, but MAN it is indeed AMAZING to see what is going on in the White House. I will be the first to say that I am not supportive of President Obama because he is a black man, I am in awe and support for him because for the first time in the history of the Nation a President has been picked because he was the best candidate, regardless of his skin color.

The fact that Pres. Obama’s campaign brought together so many people (regardless of ethnicity, age, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs) for change in the world is OUTSTANDING. He is proving himself to be of high intellect and intelligence daily. I am extremely excited to be around to witness this Movement in America.

Yes We Can (Did)!

I am excited to see what this weekend will bring… for the first time in years, I am skipping my usual Friday night Happy Hour. Drinking is not apart of my Fast… I didn’t realize how much alcohol had began to be apart of my life. I am not a daily drinker, but I tend to do it BIG on the weekends. I have really been inspired to cut the am biblical cord to my alcohol (weekend) addiction.

Pray for me ya’ll!

Dissection:
Between Pres. Obama getting it done in the White House and my path to righteousness, February looks like it is going to be a GREAT month! I have also committed to blogging more. A big reason why things have been so cloudy lately, is because I have stopped venting. Well…

I am BACK!

The End.

~itfeelssogoodtobeme!~

Growth!

2009-02-03T03:55:00.004-11:00

Ah... Today is such a good day! I mean why wouldn't it be? I ended yesterday so refreshed and relaxed! I had the best massage EVER! I mean, she used the stones and everything. It felt so good to get that treat after a long couple of weeks. I am so ready to relax my mind. I must admit, I have been tripping out over things out of my control and I am done!

Jesus take the wheel!

On another note, I have recently started my fast and it has been a rocky beginning to say the least, but I am still encouraged and I must admit that things are coming together. I am letting it all go for the month of February... the drinking, hanging out, excessive eating and I am going to focus more on God and His plan for me.

I must admit, every since I hit 28 (a week ago) I have began to put my life in perspective more. I am getting closer to 30 and what do I have to show for it? Don't get me wrong, I have accomplished quite a few things in the last 28 years of my life, but I know that there is even more GREATNESS destined for me right around the corner.

Dissection:
I have lived such a wild and crazy life, doing any and everything short of crack and murder (LOL!). I know how to be a rebel and think outside of the box... it is time for me to perfect the righteous side of myself, that is the only way I can truly grow into the woman that God wants me to be. I will continue to be me and post about everything of interest. I am just too elated about my growth!

The End.
~thisflowerisbeingwatered!~

Back to the Starting Line

2009-02-01T19:04:00.003-11:00

Often times people write a lot and actually convey nothing. I will not take up too much time on this post, because I am extremely tired, but I will say that I am back to the starting line. I enjoyed my life with out having to share a "title" with anyone. For the past two weeks, I have been in a relationship, and it hasn't felt like it at all.

I am so through with blaming him... my ex has always been the same person, it's me. I am always the first to say that I am good with being alone, but am I really? I have figured it out. In essence I am. I enjoy coming and going as I please with out explanations and not answering my phone or door if I don't want to. I am just not too fond of dating, so I tend to lean towards familiarity. Don't get me wrong... I love my ex... he is a really good friend. I just don't think we could ever really give each other what we are looking for in a relationship. We just love each other too much to accept it. I am starting my fast tomorrow and I am turning my full and complete focus on God. He is doing quite a work on me.

Dissection:
It seems that this is the only place I can truly vent. My situation is extremely unique... I want so bad to have a family the right way but; I'm not willing to settle and I want to ensure I have God's approval. I am a work in progress, but I know God is going to bring me through this process.

I promise I am going to write less about relationships... there is so much goodness going on in my life. You will be the first to know the details.

The End.
~backatone...again~

Emotions

2009-01-29T07:58:00.000-11:00

So I am taking out more time to contribute to Da Lab. I mean DAMN… I have been gone for quite a bit. So much is happening in my life, I am getting a tad dizzy! So… basically me and my “EX” got back together. I initiated the reunion, now I am feeling a tad “weird” about the whole situation.

Let me first state, that there is nothing wrong with him. He is the most adorable person ever, and just plain out “him”. I have no complaints with people who are free to be themselves. We have such a connection, I am just not sure that we want the same things out of life. I think that both of us are extremely happy with who we are and have a HUGE affinity for each other. There are just certain thing that are EXTREMELY important to me, that doesn’t exactly top his prority list.

Let’s See…

1. Spirituality is of EXTREME importance and I want to share mine with my whole family. I want us ALL to be involved in church and incorporate God openly into our everyday life. (His “spirituality” view is more individualistic- which is fine… just not for me in the long run)

2. Commitment is a MUST… the fact of the matter is I want to get married and I want to have a family… NOW, I am not too keen on being a permanent girlfriend, I am a grown woman with a young child. (He really doesn’t want a “life” commitment… he is perfectly content with loving and caring for the person he is with from a distance. He views forever as a long time)

3. Being Pampered… ok…ok… I know this isn’t a must but it is important to me, and I am not ashamed to say it. I want some one who will take care of me mentally, emotionally, and financially. Don’t get it twisted… I am not a “gold digger” I have been on my grind for the last almost six years handling my business for my son. I have currently started to work on me, ensuring an AWESOME future for myself. I just want to be put in a position where I am with someone who adores me enough to spoil me (and I will “take care” of him too). (He believes in every person for themselves unless you are a blood relative- don’t get it twisted, he does have my back when I absolutely need him and I am grateful for that- I just personally feel “weird” at the thought of him “pampering” me, because I know it is not something that he is comfortable doing)

Dissection:
I guess those would have to be the main issues going on with me (and my relationship) currently. I am not sure if I rushed in too fast or not. I just missed my best friend. It’s just that when we were apart I found out some more things that were very important to me. I am giving this my best shot with no regrets. I am living each day as it comes and I am continuing to work on not worrying about the future.

It’s all in God’s hands. I promise I’m not crazy ya’ll! Just figuring it all out!

The End.

~emotionsmakeyoucrysometimes~

Rai Day!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-26T07:54:00.000-11:00

So… I am indeed alive and since I have created an inspirational Weight Loss blog at www.slimmingme.blogspot.com, I have definitely been neglecting Da Lab. Please don’t give up on me! I am making it my business to post more… I am going to be a “nut” for the next couple of months, before I start a new “personal” blog.

Well…well…well, it is 24 hours before my Birthday and I am indeed TIRED! I have to tell you all about it, where do I start…

Party Number 1!

Rai’s Pre-BDay Party!

This past Friday (Jan. 23rd) a dear friend of mine Bird was nice enough to open his house to myself and over 20 high school/college friends. We had what I would like to refer to as, “Drinks and Dialog”. The men and women wrote down issues and they were read and the other sex had an opportunity to comment on how they felt.

Shortly after that… tons of fun was had. There were recreational activities, both mental and physical along with an extreme amount of laughter. I mean, it was like we were in college all over again. People were dancing and laughing. Everyone forgot about their troubles if only for a moment. All of us are all grown up now with kids and everything; it was so good to see everyone “let their hair down” and have a good time!

Pretty soon everyone crashed… this brings me to the next morning. There were a total of eight of us in the house at that point and everyone was recouping. The three gentlemen (close friends of mine) that stayed over with us made the best breakfast. We had eggs, biscuits, bacon, and sausage and topped it off with fresh mimosas. Talk about a good morning… it was GREAT!

Myself and two of my friends that came down from Dallas showered (separately ;o) and headed to my house to prepare for my Official BDay Party (2nd)!

Party Number 2!

The Real Deal!
Salsa and Pink Roses!

Ok…as if Friday night wasn’t enough, we wanted to keep the party going. I had more friends/co-workers/colleagues meet up at a really nice Mexican Restaurant for Salsa Dancing and my big surprise. All of the ladies wore pink roses in their hair and we salsa dancing till our feet would move no more!

It was amazing to see all of the women (and men) interacting and having a GREAT time. We ate dinner, drank margaritas, and danced. It was such a marvelous time. I must admit though, I was a tad tired from the night before. I am not use to “partying” it up to that extent. I have been “dragging” every since.
As for my surprise… I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! It has been about a year since I was in a relationship, and I decided to do it again! I will tell you all about it in my next post.

Dissection:
Life is so funny… sometimes you get led an various directions, but it is so important to not forget where you came from or who loves you the most. I am glad I took the time out to celebrate my BDay with all of those I truly adore. God has blessed me to see another year and I don’t take it for granted!

The End.
~ahthespecialwaysofbirthdays!~

ALIVE... AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-13T14:34:00.004-11:00

Ok... I know it has been almost 6 months since my post, but I think I was scared in some weird way to start back posting. So much has changed in my life in the last half a year. I truly need to write a book. It would take a million blogs to really layout my mind set and feelings... I won't try to go there.

What I will do is speak from my heart. I have been on an extreme mission to enhance my mind, body and soul. I must say I am doing a pretty good job. Focusing on God, myself and Sun has worked wonders for me. I am also reaching out to inspire other women to enhance their lives as well.

Not to mention I am creating a new blog... don't worry... this blog will be around until April of this year, so I have aaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllooooooooooottttttttttttt of catching up to do.

Just thought I would bless this blog once again!

The End.

~insohappytobeback!!!~

Beach Chronicles: Day 4

2008-06-23T16:09:00.002-11:00

Whew... after a weekend full of ups... downs and in betweens, the last day of the trip is finally upon us! Corpus Christi was an indeed much needed vacation! Let's see... the last day of paradise began something like this...

Rise and Shine!
I woke up to a beautiful sunrise and P jump out of bed to take advantage of the beach one last time. I showered and did my hair (for the first time all trip) and headed out in search of food. This hunt led me back down to Pier 99 to take advantage of their delicious grilled chicken salad. After devouring it I headed back to the room. Guess who I bumped into? Jackson... he was stumbling down the beach with a coffee mug full of beer. Apparently I was supposed to meet him at a restaurant for breakfast, so he felt like he had been stood up. After being really rude and disrespectful, we split paths, he his way and I mine.

As soon as I got back in the room, guess who is knocking on the door? Jackson! He was extremely apologetic about his behavior and did not want us to depart on a sore note. I accepted his apology and gave him all my blessings with the whole rehab journey. We grabbed our belongings and headed to check out of the room.

After checking out, we headed by the restaurant so P could get her a meal before our departure.

Getting home by any means necessary!
After eating P and I realized that it was only 12:30pm and our flight didn't leave until 7:45pm. What would we do to pass the time? We decided we would try to talk our way on to an earlier flight due to all the drama we went through getting there in the first place.

We called a taxi (Raul- the same guy that dropped us off at the hotel on Thursday) and waited for him to arrive. After about 10 minutes we hear rap music blasting as Raul pulled up. We immediately knew it was our last little hoorah before our descent back into Houston.

We boarded the little green cab and headed to the airport.

Apparently the lady checking us in did not care about the drama we went through getting there and charged us an upgrade fee to take an earlier flight. It was all good because there was no way in HELL that I was waiting in the airport 6 long hours for our flight.

After booking the early flight we sadly said goodbye to Corpus and headed home!

Dissection:
I really enjoyed my vacation! It was extremely peaceful and relaxing. Life should be that easy always!

The End.

~goodbyebeeeech!~b

Beach Chronicles: Day 3

2008-06-22T06:51:00.003-11:00

Ah... another day in paradise. Today was very laid back. P and I decided to stay close to the hotel after all the craziness on Friday. The weather was lovely and ah the breeze. It was truly heaven! Today was all about rest and relaxation. After waking up P decided that she would take a run down the beach. As for me, I decided to stay in an post to each of you (Beach Chronicles: Day 2). It is something extremely relaxing about writing. I really enjoy being alone with my thoughts. It's just me and my laptop.

As far as today... Princessa and I enjoyed a hearty breakfast and agreed on a plan for the day.

Beach Adventures: Up Close and Personal!

Me and Princessa showered, changed and headed out to the poolside bar of our hotel. Whaddya know... Jackson was there. After having a drink and enduring his mood swings we decided to move on to the next phase of our day.

P and I decided to venture out to the ferry. This was indeed a blast! We purchased our $3.00 day pass and boarded the mid size vessel. We headed up to the top deck and enjoyed the 60 minute cruise around the bay. There were so many jelly fish in the water it was AMAZING! I mean hundreds and hundreds of schools of fish. Truly anstonishing! We also saw pelicans and other exotic birds flying above the gulf. The sun was out and breeze blowing... it was indeed a fun and relaxing time.

Fun, Friends and Food!

After we finished our ferry ride, we decided to have a bite to eat at Pier 99. Ah... this is a little "fresh seafood" shack located not too far from our hotel. OMG! The food was delicious! P had fried shrimp and I had the fried pollack (fish), it was so delicious. During our lunch we met a really nice mother, daughter, grandson trio. Each was as cute as a button and indulged us in a WONDROUS conversation about life and it's trials and tribulations. After we finished our meal we ended our conversation, exchanged cards and bid them farewell.

Beach Bunnies!

We made it to our room after spending the day on the ferry and hanging out at the restaurant. It was then time to take of the tanks and tops... throw on the two piece and head to the beach. I have to say, this beach adventure was the highlight of the trip. We went down to the beach, grabbed a few mango daiquiris and broke out the camera. No one could tell me and P that we were not America's Next Top Model. We took over thirty pictures of us on the sand and in the water. We had a GRAND time frolicking in the water and hanging with Jackson (yes he was back on the scene today as well).

Food..Drinks...BED!

This day ended like the previous. P and I went to grab a bite to eat, headed to the bar to clown around with Jackson and headed upstairs to bed. I was so tired that I could not finish my vodka and red bull. I popped on Keeping up with the Kardashians on E! and headed to sleep. I think P decided to take one more stab at the beach.

Dissection:

This day was another amazing beach adventure. I am so glad that I was able to take time out of my busy schedule and spend some time at the beach. It was therapeutic and extremely calming. I think I am coming back to my old self. Boy it feels good!

The End.

~ahdeebbbbeeeeccchhwasatreeeet!~

Beach Chronicles: Day 2

2008-06-21T03:54:00.004-11:00

Another day at the beach! Friday (6-20-08) started out a lot smoother than Thursday. P and I took a long time getting out of bed (Thursday was a blast). Finally we decided we would venture out into the city. So... we grabbed a bus schedule and headed to the bus stop.

Corpus Christi Bus Adventures:
Call me spoiled, but I have only took public transportation once in my life (and that was when my Aunt drove for DART in Dallas). After waiting about thirty minutes on the bus (trolley) it finally headed in our direction. After fumbling with change we inserted our 75 cents plus a dime for the transfer and jumped aboard. There were tons of locals who ride every day and was helping with our queries as to what stops the bus was going to make and where we needed to be to get to our destination. Well... finally we made it to our destination and back. Boy! What and adventure.

Beach Bunnies:
After we made it back to the room we put on our suites and went straight to the beach. P soaked out in the sun and I chilled under the canopy. The breeze was near perfect and the day was beautifully bright. I turned on my Ipod and let Natasha Bedingfield lull me into a light sleep. The beach was so beautiful and the families! There were so many families out enjoying the sunshine and water. It was so beautiful!

Dinner Time!
After hanging out at the beach we headed up to the room to shower and change in preparation for dinner. We agreed to meet our new Best Friend Jackson across the street at a local restaurant and bar. I told you all about that adventure in my "Jackson" post. It was a hot mess, so P and I headed back to the hotel to have dinner there.

Drinks Anyone?
After drinks we headed up to the hotel bar. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Jackson was indeed there. After having a couple of drinks I decided I was tired and would go upstairs and catch some shut eye.

Dissection:
Friday was so much more laid back than Thursday. I spent the first few hours of the day with a hangover and after food and a few sprites, my spirits began to look up. I had a chance to really get to know Jackson and spend some quality time with my best friend. I am so use to being alone it was extremely weird to take a getaway with another person. All in all I think it was worth it!

The End.

~ahdebeech!~

Jackson...

2008-06-21T03:20:00.003-11:00

Hey guys! I know I am in the middle of my vacation and please believe I am having an AWESOME time. P and I have met a lot of cool new people. There is one in particular that I want to tell you all a little more about.

Jackson (I spoke of him in the previous post)... ah... Mr. Jackson. We met him on our first night here. He came across as being a fun loving party animal. That was AWESOME for us, because we did indeed come down here to have a ball. We partied and drank it up on Thursday, which ended in skinny dipping, throwing up and me and P heading back to the room (alone). That was all fine and dandy. We told Jackson bye and said we looked forward to seeing him the next day.

We didn't bump into Jackson until later on in the evening. He stopped by our room and said he decided to stay one more day at the hotel (he has been here about a week). We told him we would meet him across the street at this "hole in the wall", but delicious food serving bar.

When we walked into the bar he was at the front getting into it with some of the workers. We pulled him outside, and that is when it hit us. Jackson was completely inebriated. He had on the same clothes as the day before and wreaked of liquor. He had extremely erratic behavior and he began to be insulting to me and P. Not wanting to deal with the drama, we left him there (parking lot) and walked back to the hotel to grab a bite to eat. We sure in hell was not going to eat at the place where he was insulting the workers (by this time they were associating us with him).

P and I ate in the hotel and then headed upstairs to the bar on our way to the room. Guess who we found... Jackson. He was tipping back the drinks so fast we couldn't keep up the count. We sat next to him... he initially gave us the cold shoulder but then came around and began to talk in depth with me.

Dissection:
Jackson is an alcoholic and addict. He has been drinking since the age of 8 and "self medicating" since he was 12. Jackson has always kept the company of current addicts or recovering addicts. He has alienated himself from family and friends. Being that he does have substance abuse problem, he is extremely moody and irrational at times.

While sitting at the bar I had chance to really listen to him. He was on the verge of tears as he talked about his life and addiction. He is so talented (artist and musician) but he is letting his addiction take control of him. He is a really sweet person internally, but no one will ever get to see this as long as he is feeding his addiction.

Jackson is scheduled to go to rehab on Monday morning (as soon as he gets back to Chicago). He is so afraid of leaving for 90 days and finding someone to take care of his dog. Everyone that he cares about is "giving him space" until he completes his rehab. He is so afraid and continues to drink heavily to "remove himself" from reality.

I am asking everyone who is reading this post to please say a prayer for "Jackson from Chicago" that God touches his heart and soul and guides him to rehab and creates a sober heart in him even beyond.

The End.

~GodpleasetouchJackson'sheart~

Beach Chronicles: Day 1

2008-06-20T10:40:00.004-11:00

Ahh... the beach at last! My BF Princessa and I decided (about a month ago) to take a Girls Gone Mild vacation. We wanted to leave our city and travel to the beach to relax for a couple of days. Our open heart and mind led us to Corpus Christi Texas. On yesterday (6-19-08) we said good-bye to our kiddos and headed to the airport in search of Corpus. We decided to fly to save gas and not to mention the cheap fares of $29 each way!

Ok... Here goes...

Flight Issues:
We arrived at the airport at 9:45am. Our flight was scheduled to depart at 10:30am. Well, after going through the motions of getting luggage checked and passing through security, we made way to our gate. We were under the impression that the flight would be slightly delayed (11:30am). Loooonng story short, we spent 3 hours waiting in the airport on the plane (it was delayed do to weather in Dallas). So FINALLY we get on the plane and begin to pull away from the gate. Once we get to the runway the plane stops. Apparently there were mechanical issues with the plane. So... we spent another hour on the plane attempting to figure out that situation. We did not end up in the air until 2:45pm, which got us to Corpus Christi at 3:45pm.

Transportation:
After we touched down in Corpus Christi, we had to figure out how we were going to get to the hotel. Mind you, we were not planning on renting a car. We simply wanted to "rough it" all weekend. Princessa went to talk to the airline customer service rep to see if it would be possible to get a voucher (due to the inconvenience of the flight) for transportation. She told her no, but she did give her another option. This is were it gets interesting. We took a hotel shuttle (not ours) to a hotel that was not too far from ours (our hotel does not offer a shuttle). From there we took a cab to our hotel. GHETTO! What was so funny was that the staff from the hotel (that we took the shuttle to) helped us load our things in the taxi! Basically we spent a combined $8.60 versus $40 for transportation from the airport.

Let the Good Times Roll:
We checked in to the hotel and I made a quick change and immediately headed across the street to this bar and grill. Let me tell you... the food was delicious and the drinks... ah! I had 3 margaritas (the max) during that setting. P came to meet me (she was busy getting all "dolled" up) and the night started from there.

A tad later we left the restaurant and headed back to the room to change for the pool. We then headed to the pool took pictures and laid poolside. Shortly after, we went upstairs to the hotel bar.

Enter Jackson:
We met Jackson at the bar. Jackson is a 44 year old white male who was TONS fun. Jackson hails from Chicago and was spending time in Corpus to have hair resotration surgery. Jackson is an alcoholic who is on his way to rehab... he decided to party one last time before he started the journey. We hooked up with him at the bar and boy did the good times roll!

Later that Night:
I Skinny Dipped! I know it sounds weird, but I had never skinny dipped before. It was so fun and freeing. Life is but a dream!

Dissection:
As I sit here in my hotel room listening to the waves and starring out at the beautiful beach, I can't do anything but thank God for all that He has done for me! Life is golden.

More updates to come. I am off to the beach!

The End.

~ahthebeach~

Rai Re-Surfaces...

2008-06-18T07:25:00.005-11:00

It has been almost one whole month since I posted anything on my blog. Boy! So much has happened since then... it will be next to impossible for me to get to it all, but I will indeed try. I am going on an GIRLS GONE Mild weekend with my BF Princessa, so I will have plenty of time to write about the resent happenings in my life (all while soaking in the ray's at the beach).

I am so EXCITED about this trip with my BF! It was actually supposed to be three of us traveling but I will have to explain that situation in another post. I must admit... the last three weeks have been the most calmest ever. I am indeed at peace. Speaking of peace, I ran across the most profound quote about the subject...

Peace - It does not mean to be in a place without noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

Dissection:
Aaahhh! What and ideal place to dwell. When most people figure this out, the world will be such a better place. God has enveloped me in his arms and is guiding me through this life. He has surrounded me with friends and family who truly love and accept me... for ME!

The End.

P.S.
I apologize right now if my next couple of posts offend anyone close to me. I have to tell my story. It just so happens that you are apart of it.

~rai'sresurface!~

rING... rING... No Answer.

2008-05-29T11:26:00.002-11:00

Okay... about two weeks ago, I had a "C-Ya Later" Celebration for my departure from my current job location. I picked a really cool bar in a 10th floor Penthouse near downtown Houston. It was the perfect location with immaculate weather (on the outside terrace). Happy Hour drinks and craw fish were flowing upon my arrival around 7pm. I rode with my BF Princessa, as I didn't know where the night would take me (or how much I would intake during the night ;o)

Long story shortened... after dancing the night away I left my belongings (purse, keys and phone) on a table where Princessa, Berry and myself were hanging out (with them sitting there) to go close my tab and retrieve my card. When I returned there was no one sitting at the table and my things were GONE.

After asking around I figured out the Princessa was in the bathroom. After entering into the bathroom I noticed her (drunk ;o) standing by the sink. I asked her about my things, and she handed me my purse. After reviewing the contents, everything was accounted for but my phone.

I went back and searched and searched but could not locate my phone anywhere (Obviously it was late, and the bar was super crowded by this point). Berry and I even went back the next night and didn't locate it. I eventually "charged it to the game" and began the quest to get a new phone.

I will admit, I probably called my phone over a 100 times that weekend either A. Hoping it was hiding in one of my purses compartments or B. checking voicemail.

All of this happened on a Friday... I had my new phone by Monday (thanks to a special friend ;o).

Dissection:
I guess I could (and did) attempt to place the blame on a number of people as to why my phone was missing. Ultimately it was due to my carelessness. I should have never set my things down and walked away... even if my friends were sitting there. It was my responsibility and I dropped the ball.

I must say... those two days that I did not have a cell phone were the most peaceful days ever. It is something extremely relaxing about being out of reach. I love it!

The End.

~canyouhear menow?~

...and she's BAAAACCK!

2008-05-26T11:21:00.000-11:00

Hey Guys!

I promise I am still alive. Give me a few hours… I will return with updates on the past week amongst other things!

A sneak preview…

Uh…
DAMN!!! I lost my cell phone!
Me Beware… I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE!
God is GREAT!
Out with the old in with the New!
Sun’s Weekend Away.
A Flourishing Friendship w/ Berry.

Dissection:
The next several post will dive into my new life as I see it!

The End.

~ImissedDaLab~

Woman 2 Woman...

2008-05-14T12:14:00.003-11:00

Yesterday I received a text message from my son's step mother. She asked if she could have my email address... she had something that she wanted to send to me. I was extremely shocked that she had contacted me. In 3 years of courtship and two months of marriage, we had never really had a conversation.

So... I obliged and sent her my email addy. WOW! When I checked my inbox, she had sent me the sweetest letter. I spoke of how we need to forge a better (existent) relationship and how much she adored Sunshine (my son). I was so taken aback. I have never had anything against her, my relationship with my ex was so horrible, that I didn't give myself time to even attempt to get to know her. Long story short, we have been emailing each other back and forth for the past day or so and it has been great to get to know her better. She is a true darling. I am glad that he chose her.

Dissection:
Bubbly (as I will call her based on her personality) seems to be a sweetheart. I am so glad that she reached out to me. I don't know if I would have had the courage or "understanding" to make the first step. I am so glad that she did. It made the process so much easier. Thanks God for bringing us together for the betterment of Sun... he needs all the love and adoration that he can get!

The End.

~whatawonderfulwoman!~

Wine and Cheese

2008-05-13T10:13:00.003-11:00

Well... last night was AWESOME. I must admit... God speaks through us daily. Sometimes we are too stubborn to actually sit still and listen. Yesterday I had a wonderful meeting/dinner with a dear friend. After which, I picked up my son and started my pursuit home. In my mind, I thought I would visit with another dear friend briefly at my apartment.

Thanks to you God, that didn't happen! I spent an hour or so on the phone with my BF Princessa and indulged in a couple of glasses of wine (while making notes for my book draft and checking "myspace" messages) and a slice of cheese. I glanced at the clock and noticed that it was already (at that point) 12am and there was no call from him. It was time for the lights to go out!

Dissection:

God knew there was no way that I should have had company last night, all late and stuff. Even though my intentions were pure (I BY no means was planning on sleeping with ANYONE). God wants me to go through this transition in life alone. I am totally prepared to honor that!

Let this be a lesson to all of those reading this post now... when God speaks... respect him and listen. The fact that my friend did not call me and come by was a BLESSING! God is teaching me patience and aiding me in finding peace in solitude.

So often I "whine" internally about the state of my life... my Life's "cheese" is symbolic of me wanting to be the center of attention consistently. God wants me to sit down and enjoy what He has planned for my future.

I am ready!

The End.

~stopwhinningandsay...CHEESE!~

A Purified Me!

2008-05-12T04:48:00.002-11:00

I am just finishing up a WONDROUS trip from Dallas visiting my family. It was so amazing to go home and have the chance to spend time with people who really care for and accept me for who I am. Ah! I love my family.

Lately I have been in search of something... at times I tend to not really know what it is exactly. Recently, I have put a label on it... PURITY! I am going through a mental and emotional detox right now, and it feels GREAT. As things change in my life, I am prepared to make the necessary changes within. Ah... God helps me so much! When I need patience, clarity, or understanding, He is there to guide me.

I am going through my life and mending broken relationships, one by one. This weekend I had a very important conversation with my ex-fiance (we dated in High School and College). He has since gotten married, but due to the way I ended the relationship, there was still a tad bit of unstated animosity. We had a chance to really talk. I apologized for the past and we decided to move on as friends. True friends... I would never in a million years disrespect his marriage. He will forever be loved deep in my heart and I wish him nothing but the best in life. This "amendment" was 7 years in the making... Whew... it felt good to release!

Not sure where my next steps are leading me... but I know He is going to be by my side the whole time!

Dissection:

I am so happy to be cleansing my soul. It is truly amazing how God will direct you when you let him! I am truly excited about learning more about and appreciating myself. I spend so much time working and parenting, I tend to loose myself at times. I have turned on Life's filter and the purification process has began.

It is so important that individuals know and understand that "He" and "we" collectively hold our future in our very own hands. Our relationship with God is an important collaboration. We have to actively listen to Him and also insure that we are making the right decisions to place us in a perfect position. Our setbacks are simply a set up for God to add tremendous blessings to our lives.

I'm getting there! One step at a time!

The End.

~pleasepurifyme~

YAY!!!

2008-05-08T16:44:00.003-11:00

Hi ALL! I am so excited to say that I didn't got to Happy Hour yesterday! I am so proud of myself! I handled my issue in a way that was not self destructive! Actually it was extremely relaxing. I spent some much needed time resting. Ah... PEACE... the best things in life are free! I am taking steps in the right direction!

On another note... my last couple of posts have seemed to cause heated debate... I want to first say THANK YOU to all of those who read my blog and are enlightend in some way. It really makes my heart smile to know that I have the capability of making someone's day! ;o)

If any of you were able to read my first post on this new blog (My Space...) you will remember me speaking of freedom of speech. Yes... this freedom is an inherited right of all who are apart of the human race. I so happen to be included in that group.

This blog is ALL about love and the way I view my life and the lives of those closest to me. I speak "my" truth and at the same time will remain respectful of those that I speak about. I will never disrespect anyone in anyway. I simply ask for the same in return. This is an open forum, but my aim is to use the medium in a POSITIVE way.

It is obvious that I have been going through certain issues in my personal life as of late. It is my right to post about WHAT and WHO ever I please. If anyone has an issue with this, I invite them to stop visiting this site. NO ONE will tell me what I will and will note post about... even if it's you. I don't use names for a reason.

Dissection:
Life is but a dream and I am ELATED that I am able to live it to the fullest! God has my back and knows the desires of my heart. I have been blessed with a group of friends who love and appreciate me for who I am. I am taking the necessary steps to go further than I have ever been in life!

I want to send a big THANK YOU to my Bestest Friend in the whole wide world... Princessa! Thanks for holding your girl down. It does my heart good to know that you have my back! I also what to thank another good friend POP... he has really been on my side from the beginning... (when I didn't even recognize it).----> Thank you for helping me get started with the rest of my life!----> Those that know me know that school and my book have been a BIG priority. Well... I am out of excuses... consider it all DONE! These two wonderful people I speak of believe in me and have been there for me mentally, emotionally and in so many different ways... THANK YOU!

I want to send a SPECIAL prayer out to all of those in my life (especially my enemies). I pray that each of you are blessed to the highest and all of your dreams come true. I pray God's love on your lives and I pray you show that same love to those around you. I forgive all of my enemies and I know that God will too!

Be Blessed Ya'll!

The End.

~yay!anewday!~

I'll Drink to That!

2008-05-07T10:30:00.005-11:00

Guys... I am feeling so antsy right now. I really feel like I need a drink. Don't get me wrong... I am not sad at all. Life is beginning to treat me well, I am just getting kind of stressed. I know it is simply a combination of EVERYTHING happening in my life right now (alot of which is good).

I just feel like I need alcohol to calm me down... I really needed to post about this, because (as I have said before) I do have an issue with drinking. I am definitely one to admit it (I dare not hide behind "reasons" why I don't have an issue).

I just texted my friend Berry to meet me at Happy Hour tonight.

Dissection:

We'll see how it goes.

The End.

~liftglass...andTIP!~

OMG!

2008-05-07T10:14:00.002-11:00

So... I am sitting at my computer around 1am last night, when I receive an "message alert" from Yahoo! When I click on the email link it takes me to my inbox. Once I enter my inbox I notice that blogger has emailed me a comment that had been recently left right here in Da Lab"rai"tory. The comment was in regards to my latest post "and... That's a Wrap!". You all can feel free to view the comment in it's original form, or check it out below...

Just an Observer wrote:

Is going, "tiptoe'ing" backwards always a bad thing? I believe somethings aren't bad enough to end really good friendships/relationships over, but there are some things that are. Abusive spouses/partners never change. NEVER!!! I've closed only one door in my past and that was for an extremely good reason, but the door has stayed open for some others. Especially, when you truly love someone the way that I do. She's my everything and I'm going crazy without her in my life right now, but I just can't get thru to her. Time changes a lot of individuals in a lot of ways. Everything in life is a compromise and a person unwilling to sacrifice for what he or she believes in, is not a true child of God. True love stays with you because you receive it from the Lord. I'm trying to get back to my friend, my lover, my wife to be because I know she is who God picked for me, but I have to give her time to see that I am truly there for her and not who she thinks I am. So many of our brothers & sisters walk away from a good man/woman in search of greener pastures rather than fighting for their relationship/family. They don't want to do what it takes to make a family the way God intended. I speak from experience. Not that I'm unwilling to fight for my love, I just don't know how! A man/woman should look for someone who fears God, puts their family first, loves themselves/others, respects themselves/others, appreciates the contributions from their spouse/bf/gf, and willing to commit their relationship over to God. If those things aren't happening, then you'll be like me, without your family. If you're tiptoe'ing backwards, then there is a reason and you know that it needs to be resolved. Otherwise, it will always be an issue no matter how fast or far you run from it. If I could hold her, kiss her, caress her, and show her how much I love her once more, I'd go tiptoe'ing backwards in a heartbeat because I know God put her in my heart.

Dissection:

This was obviously wrote by my Best Friend (Ex), who I love with all of my heart (I truly do). I am just not mentally or emotionally prepared to be in a relationship with him right now. I have tried to "hang out", talk occasionally and be friends. It is just so much pressure. I feel that my every move and thought is being studied carefully in order to dissect my heart and use what ever means to get back together.

I care deeply for him, and what we shared was real... my heart and mind are just not prepared to be in a relationship... with ANYONE right now. I am through going back and forth with the issue so that is why I don't talk to him as much as I probably could. I just want to enjoy life stress and worry free...

I know he loves me and (finally) wants to settle down. I just want to be alone and find clarity.

The End.

~omg!herehegoesagain!~

and... That's a Wrap!

2008-05-06T11:24:00.003-11:00

Hey Fam!

It's been a week(end) since I last wrote, and I must admit I do have more clarity on my life and the steps I am taking to maneuver me closer to the top. I have a Best Friend (my Ex) that I need to say good bye to. It has been a real struggle for me, because I do care for him so much as a person. I just feel it is time for me to put my past behind me and move forward to my prosperous future.

I can't lie... there is a sense of Peace that I feel not being "locked down". The first day of the rest of my life starts now, and I want the opportunity to enjoy it all. Uhhmm (you're thinking), what does that mean? Well, it means that I need to get rid of all my bad habits and cancerous people in my life!

My "To Do" List:

1. Regain my relationship with Him... yes people, I absolutely love the Lord, I have just been doing a bad job at showing him. I must spend time re-connecting with Him, on my path to a righteous life.

2. Stop Drinking... just people I have acquired a slight problem. I am not your average "daily drinker, I typically "binge" on the weekends (don't act like you all don't remember me constantly talking about Happy Hour).

3. Clean House... I mean this both figuratively and physically. As far as female friends go, I have done a WONDERFUL job at selecting a GREAT core group of friends. Men, on the other hand... I keep them around solely for entertainment purposes (excluding my Best Friend... I actually distance myself from him). It all goes back to drinking and hanging out. When I am doing these things, I tend to keep the company of men who are "smitten" by me and give LOTS of attention. It is time out for that! I should only keep the company of those I am truly interested in.

I also need to physically clean up my apartment. I spend so much time bouncing from here to there (on weekends), that I have neglected to keep my space tidy. This untidiness has been representative of how I have been feeling internally. It is far past time that I get rid of the "mess" and begin my journey to a prosperous life!

Dissection:

It is far pass time I start to enjoy this WONDROUS life that I have been so blessed with. Above, were my top 3 changes that I am in dire need of making to my life. Consider it DONE! I am so happy, and proud of myself. I am saying HELLO to my new life. YAY!

The End.

~time2wrapitup!~

Wisdom Passing Through...

2008-05-02T07:20:00.002-11:00

Ya'll know how we always get these forwards that urge us to send to such and such friends in such and such minutes? Well, I received one similar today, but it is indeed food for thought. Instead of emailing it to random people, I thought I would share it with my family here on Blog Spot.

Life's Dissection:

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully

2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

4. When you say, 'I love you ,' mean it.

5. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye

6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

7. Believe in love at first sight.

8. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much

9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

11. Don't judge people by their relatives.

12. Talk slowly but think quickly.

13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

15. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

16. When you lose, don't lose the lesson !

17. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

18. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship..

19. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

21.Spend some time alone.

Good stuff eh?

The End.

~passingthewisdomonthru~

Private Dancer...

2008-05-02T05:23:00.004-11:00

Sometimes I wish I could disappear to a far away land. A place where the noise is low and I am free to be me. Free to express my sensuality and erotic side, with out hoots, hollers or judgement. I so wish to be free from the distractions of this world. I would escape into my destiny... ecstasy.

A Private Dancer would be my title. I would be equipped with a Geisha's class, a beautiful Brazilian woman's ass, and enough grace to shut down the whole place. People would come from miles and miles to see the outer expression of my inner thoughts. From head to toe I would command attention. Those watching would think that this feature is too good to be true.

My hair would be long and flowing, accenting my almond shaped eyes, delicate nose, and pouty lips. My light caramel skiln would be adorned with a belly dancers tassels and skirt. As I slowly gyrate my body to the soft bongo and harp the crowd will grow amazed at my skill...

Dissection:

I awake from this dream before it is even finished. That happens to me all the time. Right when it starts to get good, I snap out of it! It has always been a sexual fantasy of mine to "privately dance" for someone worthy of such. Hum...hum... Not to mention I absolutely LOVE Tina Turner's song, Private Dancer. Check out the lyrics below.

Well the men come in these places
And the men are all the same
You don't look at their faces
And you don't ask their names
You don't think of them as human
You don't think of them at all
You keep your mind on the money
Keeping your eyes on the wall

Chorus
I'm your private dancer
A dancer for money
Ill do what you want me to do
I'm your private dancer
A dancer money
Any old music will do

I wanna make a million dollars
I wanna live out by the sea
Have a husband and some children
Yeah I guess I want a family
All the men come in these places
And the men are all the same
You don't look at their faces
And you don't ask their names
Repeat chorus twice

Deutschmarks or dollars
American express will nicely thank you
Let me loosen up your collar
Tell me do you wanna see me do the shimmy again
Repeat chorus

The End.

~aprivatedancerhumph!~

Companionship... or Not?

2008-05-01T05:44:00.005-11:00

I must admit... I feel a LOT better than I did yesterday. What small lesson I have learnt is that I am in control of me... a great destiny is inevitable!

On to the topic at hand...

Why am I so wishy washy? I really had to ponder this question for a moment. When I meet(select) new people, I am immediately intrigued. Three to ten hour talks... dinners... movies... laughter... then all of a sudden I loose interest. Why is that? It makes me so mad. I so long for companionship, and when I get it... I'm G H O S T!

Dissection:

I think I have issues... hell, I KNOW I have ISSUES! But... don't we all. I am just extremely accepting of mine. Is this such a bad thing? The majority of my friends and family will argue that this is nothing to be proud of. I wouldn't necessarily say that I am proud... what I would say is I am happy with me... Flaws and all!

If I were anyone else, I wouldn't be me!

The End.

p.s.
I want to be in a relationship so bad right now, I just don't feel like dealing with another person!
Ah... the IRONY!

~tojoinornottojoin...withanother!~

Boiling Point...

2008-04-30T06:39:00.003-11:00

This week has definitely started out with a BANG for me. I must admit, that overall, Life has began to treat me right. I am at the beginning of a big transition professionally and attempting to "turnaround" other aspects of my life as well (for the better).

Yesterday, was an extremely hectic day for me (job wise) and I think I let it affect me psychologically (for the FIRST time EVER). This scrares the crap out of me, because I never let "outside" factors weigh on me emotionally. I can smile and enjoy life with out letting "certain" factors enter my "life's little bubble".

Dissection:

I am TIRED! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I really needed that scream right now! I know that I am feeling this way because I am so overwhelmed right now. Between being the sole care provider for my son (his dad has him most weekends) and the "go to" person at work, I grow tired sometimes. I just need a break... 48 hours is turning out to not be enough time.

I must relax, because I will have a slight break this summer with the job transition and the fact that my son will be in Dallas with my mom. I know God takes us through all types of tests, to get us prepared for our FABULOUS future.

I am ready God!

ok... and simmer!

The End.

~ahhrai'sboilingpoint!~

Sad But True...

2008-04-30T06:18:00.002-11:00

A good friend of mine, Princessa, sent me a forward of this video. I warn each of you before you view it to turn your volume down (if you are at work or around young children). This clip depicts an AID's infested man who admits to having unprotected sex with numerous young women (ages 15-21). He even goes as far as naming these women and encouraging them to go to the clinic and get the necessary meds.

Check it out...

Rai's Dissection:

Ultimately, I am on the bandwagon with everyone else who thinks this guy is a dirt bag that needs to be thrown under the jail. I will say this much... women (and men) we do have a responsibility in all of this. We cannot expect for men/women to be responsible enough to share their complete sexual history and offer protection (especially if we meet them and immediately have sex).

It is our responsibility to think wisely when we choose our intimate partners. It is ok to be alone and/or masturbate. Why is it when we get that "feeling" we automatically want sexual stimulation? That "stimulation" could ultimately be deadly. I am not sure if this video is real or a fluke, but what I am sure of is that we (Women) need to be EXTREMELY careful with deciding to take that "extra" step with someone.

Now ya'll see why I rely solely on Bullet?

The End.
~AIDsisoutthere...becareful!~

Ouch!: Step Away From the P***Y!

2008-04-28T12:04:00.000-11:00

Ladies… what happens when you have the “favor” (oral sex) done and it sucks?

A really good friend of mine received this same “favor” about two weeks ago, and it sucked (literally). The person who did it began to gnaw on her “precious pearl” as if it was beef jerky. At first, she just felt like it was something he would have to get “into” so, she let the act go on a little further.

It got worse! He had stubble on his chin (he was in the midst of growing out a beard) and it made it even more painful to endure. As he gnawed and gnawed she became irritated (both mentally and physically) and stopped the whole “ordeal”.

Even though they didn’t have “intercourse” she woke up extremely sore the next day. She felt like she had just finished being with a Mac truck!

WTF?

Dissection:

LADIES! Oral sex is supposed to be stimulating! It isn’t supposed to hurt. Please be careful who you decide to let “please” you.

MEN! Women don’t like to be chewed on like a piece of bubble gum. Our “parts” down there are sensitive and should be handled with care. If you aren’t up for the challenge, step AWAY from the Punnany!

The End.

~ooohpleasenochewingonthegoodies!~

WTF?

2008-04-22T12:13:00.000-11:00

Hey Guys!

It has been right at a week since I last posted. Where do I begin... so much has went on in such a small amount of time. I guess what I will first talk about is this past weekend. Before I start please understand that when I am done typing up this post I am getting started on a proposal for my very own reality show...

MTV-VH1-Bravo HERE Comes Rai!

I guess I will start out by recapping this past Friday. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I do enjoy happy hours (at least a couple of them) on Fridays after I am done with work. I randomly invite friends and co-workers alike out to join me in my "relaxation station".

Well... a couple weeks ago I met "Lite" through a really good friend of mine (on accident). Basically we (a group of 5) was out with a mutual friend, "Fox" having drinks. Fox had invited Lite to come and join us, but she was running very late. About ten minutes prior to everyone departing the restauraunt, Lite shows up. Most of the crew was ready to go, but me and my BF Princessa decided to stay and have another drink with her. After that drink the three of us headed to three other bars (we weren't ready to call it a night yet). Princessa dipped after the second bar and that left me and Lite hanging out alone. Lite was spending that evening getting over the break up of her and her girlfriend. Yes, I said girlfriend! Lite is a Lesbian. Who cares though? She was sweet as apple pie, so I treated her as I would have any of my friends. That night she vented into the wee hours about "love gone wrong" and that was a wrap!

On to this past friday. I invited Lite out for drinks with me and a co-worker. Things were great. We all sat and talked over drinks. Pretty soon it was time for me to make my departure. See, a friend of mine was visiting from Lake Charles, and I wanted to go meet up with him and friends. You see, a friend of his bartends at the Frenchy's (old school chicken shack) Chicken. I thought this was hilarious, because I wasn't aware that Frenchy's even had a bar. This is equivalent to Popeye's (in case you all aren't familiar with Houston) having a full service bar inside it's restaurant.

Not to be rude, I asked Lite if she would like to join us (as the other friend had to get back home to her fiance) and she obliged. So we headed over to meet up with the fellas. Looooooooonnnnnggggggg story short. As she got tipsier and tipsier slight advances were made. By the end of the night I was stuck in the middle while he was trying to make advances and she was "defending my honor", by yelling out phrases like, "You just want to F her!" and "That's why you are sitting all close and attempting to rub your D*** against her!". This was a tad "over the top" to me, so I pulled her aside.

I will admit that we were both a tad tipsy (her WAY more so than I) and we all were extra friendly with each other (her-I-the guy). That in no way meant I wanted EITHER of them in a sexual way.

So, after causing a HUGE scene in the restaraunt, we headed to the car. She got in hers... I in mine... and we headed in our own directions!

I know you all are thinking... "over the top", right?

Friday had nothing on Saturday!

Against my better judgement (I assumed that her behavior was a direct result of her drinking so much) I invited her to hang out with me and a good friend of mine the next day. To think, I thought the previous nights behavior was squashed and we would be able to just hang and enjoy the beautiful day.

Boy was I wrong!

We met up with a dear friend of mine Berry, (who I met through the same mutual friend that I met Lite through). Berry is the most down to earth "real" person you ever want to meet. When she intitially met Lite she had a few reservations... I assured her that all was cool.

That was indeed a LIE!

So to make another LLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGGGGG story short, we sat down for drinks and a group of men swarmed around and soon settled at our table. They were really cool, and I was really "feeling" one in particular, Kub. We sat, talked and sipped on margarita's for awhile and engaged ourselves (Kub and I) in a very interesting conversation. I was so engrossed in my conversation that I didn't pay attention to what was going on around me.From the perspective of Berry, Lite was getting "jealous" that I wasn't talking to her, and so she began to drink (some of the other fellas' drink, as she didn't have her own).

All I remember is her "stumbling" out to the parking lot with the rest of us (at about 3am). I stopped her to ask her if she was ok. She replied, "No, I need you to take me home." Mind you... her area of town was a bout 30mins away. My apartment was 10. By chance, Berry was going her way, so I told her that she would make sure she made it safely. She then stated (more firmly), "I want YOU to take me". I replied again... "Berry will take you". She then yelled out (as a man in a relationship would) "No, YOU'RE going to take ME!". I looked... and just walk away and got in Kub's truck. I was not going to stand there and argue with some chick about something so insignificant.

After this she ran up to the car and tries to open the door to get me out. Obviously, it was locked, and Kub did not appreciate her pulling on his door, so he told her to get away from his car. I didn't her the whole word exchange outside of the car, but from what the others told me, her and Kub swapped words and then she referred to me as a "whore" who was going to go home with him that night and suck his d***.

The whole incident was a trip! She ended up calling me about ten times and waiting by my car for at least 30 mins, before she decided to go home. I then thanked Kub for waiting around with me, left his truck and got in my car, only to head home (BY MYSELF) to prepare for church the following day.

Dissection:

This story was long enough, but I do have a brief dissection. I don't care about sexual orientation. It is safe to say that I do find both men and women appealing. With that stated, I by no means date women... or even "hook up" with them for that fact. I am not in or entertaining a relationship with ANYONE right now. Am I flirty? Yes. Do I hang out with friends and enjoy myself? Yes. That night I was not going to be physical with ANYONE. I just felt it was weird that she assumed I was solely there for her in a "romantic" way.

I guess you live and learn!

Saturday, April 19th, 2008, was the 3rd and last time that Lite and I will ever speak and/or hang out. I do believe she is a good person, I just can't deal with the drama.

The End.

~wtfhappendtohangingoutandhavingagoodtime?~

A Hot and Lonely Commodity...

2008-04-15T16:57:00.000-11:00

Why is it as soon as I am officially out off a relationship, all sorts of craziness flows my way? What craziness, you ask. I'll tell you...

My "pursuers" are jumping out of the wood works. I don't even know if "pursuers" is a good word for them... let's see... men that want either ass, a trophy piece, or someone to brainwash into their "bubble" occasionally. I so want to be alone right now. I won't lie, there is a small part of me that would like to have a consistent person around to talk to and spend time with. We all know that with all that it is easier to fall in to "entrapment" (I refuse to use the word LOVE).

I am in no need of the four letter word right now, I just want to have a person to share my ups, downs and in betweens with. Not in a "relationship" per say, but someone who is readily available to be a sounding board/cuddle buddy. The weird part about it all is that those lining up to steal my time are so not worthy of being in a "pseudo relationship" with me.

Ahh... so DAYUM picky!

Dissection:

The fact that I am a "hot commodity" that doesn't have a "share" option is HILARIOUS! It is so ironic. I am indeed picky and I want to be around "company" when it is convenient for me. I go back and forth in my head about what it is I really want and I think it is great that I am in solitude. Alone time is something that I am in need of right now. The only scary thing about alone time is that I have no rules and no one to hold me accountable for my actions. It is then that I tend to do "questionable" things. Only they are not "questionable" to me because I have no rules.

I guess what I am trying to say is I hate loving the fact that I am alone. I don't even want a man... I just miss sharing my triumphs of life with someone special in my life. I retract that statement... I have group of very special ladies (WHEW) that are always there when ever I need them. I'm sure they would even cuddle with me if I asked nicely! ;o)

The End.

~alonelyhotmess!~

Good things come to those who...

2008-04-15T16:48:00.001-11:00

get off their behinds and make something happen! I guess what is fueling this post is the fact that I just got finished watching a clip of Deion Sanders and his wife Pilar's Reality Show, Primetime Love. I was looking at that clip in awe. The house is HUGE and beautiful. They have five beautiful kids (three together). It "seems" as though they are living "the life".

Dissection:
Sometimes what seems good isn't always, but sometimes it is. I have always dreamt of doing something WONDROUS that helped others and in turn put me in the Lime light. For years I thought that if I waited patiently, my dream would come true. I have never been more wrong in my life!
In order to full fill your destiny, you have to get off of your behind and work for it. Along the way God gives you a helping hand, but you have to show tenacity and the willingness to fall down and get right back up and pursue your dream.

I know my time is coming... I am just getting to work and soon it will be all pieced together!

The End.

~anythingworthhavingisworthworkingfor!~

A Month and Counting...

2008-04-14T17:04:00.000-11:00

So Lab Rats... it has been over a month since I have been "physical" with a man. I must admit. It feels DAMN good (not to be ;o). I spent far to long giving my body to someone with a hidden agenda (I'm talking about MY hidden agenda). I said I loved him (and I did), but being intimate was my way of getting closer. I have never been a casual sex type of person... it is quite difficult for me to be involved with a man just for sex.

Dissection:
I have a hard time being solely physically attracted to men. There has to be more. The mind has to be a hell of a tag team with the body. It is just hard for me to look at men solely as sexual objects.

Those that know me well will tell you that I am madly in love with my Silver Bullet. For those of you that may not know, it is a clitoral stimulator. Some may know Bull as a "beginners toy", but I began 3 years ago and hadn't put him down yet!

Not that I have been around the block or anything, but I have had sex once or twice. I thought, during the whole process that I had an orgasm... uhm uhm uhm... that’s what I thought, till that WONDROUS 1st night with Bull in October of '05. So 3 years and 19 Bulls later (yep... I've "killed" 18 total) masturbation is my story and I am sticking to it.

I am truly excited that I am not sleeping with men right now. Who knows... I may bid them farewell forever. One can never tell with me. To answer your inquiry (and I know you all are thinking it as you read this post) as to if I am in to women or not yes/no. I think women are ABSOLUTELY HOT (the ones that are of course), but I could never be in a serious relationship with one. Too emotional. I don't have time for extra drama... I am a one woman show!

Any way... say A L L this to say... I haven't had any *penis* in over a month and I am ELATED! I am headed to the dumpster right now to throw away my BC pills. Who needs them? I’ll let my friends finish populating the earth, I gave the good Land one!

The End.

~onemonthandcountingtilltheend!~

A Relaxing Weekend... SIKE!

2008-04-14T08:51:00.000-11:00

So... this past weekend was my weekend with Sun (my 5 year old). For those of you that don't know I spend every waking moment with my son during the week (when he is not in school). His dad normally gets him on the weekend. I have grown accustomed to this, because our weekday gets so hectic a lot of the time. The weekend is normally my time to recharge and prepare for the next week.

No "recharging" for me this weekend! I love my son... seriously... there is nothing that I would not do for him. He is my life. I am not married or even in a relationship for that matter, and he serves as my EVERYTHING! Saying A L L that to say... Boy, he really had me going this weekend.

We started the weekend out (Friday) babysitting, then we headed home and I cleaned up to the wee hours of the morning while he slept. Saturday morning found us gassing up and washing my car. We then headed to Denny's for brunch (his pick- he LOVES the smiley face pancakes ;o), after that I went to the gym to workout (he played in the Kid's Club). We then headed home to meet up with my friend and her 3 year old daughter. I changed clothes and we headed to a restaurant to eat (very kid friendly with lots of sand, slides, and shovels). I have to pause and talk about the restaurant experience...

Dissection:

The restaurant we went to had LOTS of families there. One big observation was the fact that while all the children were playing in the sand, mothers and fathers alike were sipping on their favorite alcoholic beverages. Most of the mothers could be seen with a smiling child in one hand and a margarita in the other. Fathers were watching from a far while sipping on a beer. Everyone was happy and smiling! I bet you know why... most of them were drunk out of their mind! Now don't get me wrong, I am not condoning drinking while parenting. I just noticed that at this place the parents found a happy medium. I thought that it was interesting because I only "hang out" when my son is away. I never attempt to mix "grown up" with "kid" fun. I guess I got a lesson from all the mothers of Southwest Houston on Saturday. Boy, what a time!

Back to Saturday...

We ended the night at a carnival (after we left the restaurant). After the carnival we went home, bathed and went to bed. We woke up on Sunday and went to church. After church we went to the mall, ate and Sun played at the play area there. We stopped by blockbuster and rented a movie, then headed home for a nap!

That was a lot for me, I am used to having a relaxing weekend... this was everything but. I will say I had a BLAST hanging out with my son nonetheless.

Well... my next post will be juicy so stay tuned!

The End.

~relaxingwithafiveyearoldisunheardof~

He Came By...

2008-04-10T19:22:00.000-11:00

It is around 1am and about two hours ago I was just hanging out in my apartment preparing to put my son to bed (he's night owl), when I got "the call". I pick up the phone and "he" gives me the rumble about being in the area and wanting to stop by.

I admit I still care about him, so I obliged. About 20 minutes later he knocks on the door. As soon as he walks in all the memories start to flood my mind again. It is so easy to forget a person when you haven't been in their presence in awhile. It was so good to see him and know that he is well. It felt weird because I know he had just finished with a female and got tipsy and thought of me. I guess she lives on my side of town (his ex maybe) so he thought he would stop through after he finished with her. At anyrate, we went back and forth about why we aren't together and updated each other about the goings on in our lives. Soon we bid one final embrace, a peck on the cheek and he disappeared. Not sure for how long this time.

Dissection:
This is the very reason that we can't be together. He told me that he was out drinking with "friends" and I automatically think it is about another woman. My past with him has definitely programed me. I will say this... I am happy I am alone. Solitude is my serum currently and I am consuming it ALL! I still do love him... it just has to be from a far right now.

Life is good right now. I choose not to complicate it any further.

The End.

~hecamebyforonelasttry!~

In Austin Actin' Up!

2008-04-10T13:29:00.000-11:00

Ok... the focus of today's post is the weekend of April 4th, 2008 (starting Thursday, April 3rd).

I was in dire need of a break of sorts, so I headed to Austin for the weekend. I actually killed two birds with one stone, because I did have a little work to do there as well. I thought it would be a great idea to just "nomad" it for the weekend.

Thursday April 3rd:

I threw my belongings in and gassed up my car (a whopping 50 bucks for a Toyota Camry) and headed down I10 in search of Austin, TX. I arrived in less than 2hrs and hooked up with a friend of mine who had moved there 6 months prior. I made a few wardrobe changes at her house and we headed out for the night.

We went to a club called the Beauty Bar. It was simply that! Extremely vintage and beautiful nonetheless. Her friend was in a rock band (can't remember the name), and they were pretty good. We listened to an assortment of bands and hushed ourselves with $2.00 "u call it's". My drink of choice was rum and pineapple juice. Ahhh delicious. It was extremely good for me to get away from my everyday life and enjoy myself. We had a blast deep into the night.

Dissection:

The club we went to had a predominantly "white" crowd, which was fine with me (I enjoy all different cultures which often puts me in the company of diverse ethnicities). I did notice that when "white" men get drunk they begin to notice the beauty of their "black" female counterparts. I have never heard, "Oh my gosh you are a BEAUTIFUL black woman, ah your style!". Other phrases included, "We would make some beautiful mixed babies". Obviously the mind automatically gets flattered by a compliment, but I had to stop myself.

Why was I a beautiful "black" women, instead of being a beautiful woman? Not sure. Why does color have to qualify (or disqualify) everything. Maybe it's because the races aren't truly equal. It totally saddens me. I believe in the beauty and equality of people, not races... what is race really? Why do we even have to label ourselves?

I believe my lesson in all of this was just to enjoy people and leave race at the door and also plant myself in surroundings that do the same. Obviously one will run into a jack ass every now and then but intent is what truly matters. The moral of the story is... I HAD A BLAST AT THE BEAUTY BAR!

Friday, April 4th, 2008:

(after handling my business)

I had the opportunity to hang out with my BESTEST FRIEND EVER! We have known each other since the age of 10 or 11. Every time we get together there's a PARTY! I think we get along so well because he is a male. There is just something about a good solid male friend. I love females (please don't get me wrong and those who know me deeply know the extent), but they are not as fun as guys. Obviously we women pack alot of emotion around with us on a daily bases. That is not the extent with men.

At any rate, me and Moses (as I will call him based on the fact that he got totally drunk on Friday night and walked around downtown Austin with a massive stick/tree branch, that we nicknamed his "moses stick") along with his partner (as they have an awesome business that they promote parties, do web design, and a bunch of other stuff) spent the rest of the weekend together.

We partied hard and just had an overall good time. I had not "kicked it" like that in years. On Friday early evening we went to an NFL mixer at Pappadeaux's and had endless catfish, shrimp and Swamp things (a frozen hurricane/margarita). After that we left and went back to the room to get dressed to head out and party. About 4 shots of patron and 5 mixed drinks later we stumbled back to the room (he found the "moses stick" on the way). I hit the mattress and that was a wrap!

April 5th, 2008:

I woke up around 1pm lacking a hangover (YAY)! I got word that a friend of mine from Dallas was staying in the same hotel as we were. We (Moses and I) headed up to her room and hung out for awhile. I then headed back down to the room to shower and change. After getting out of the shower another friend of mine called me to let me know she was on her way. I let the fellas know, and we made our way back to 6th street (a popular street in Austin known for bars, tattoo parlors and tourist shops) to hang.

After refusing to pay $40 to go to a Day Party we headed across the street, to another popular bar. About 6 shots of patron later my friend arrived. We got her caught up with our drunken stupors and we headed back to the room. To make an already long story short we partied it up again Saturday night... I will be honest when I say it was tad too much for me. I was so tired by 12am, I couldn't appreciate the second night of partying. We headed back to the room and shut it down for the night.

April 6th, 2008

After waking up and ordering room service ($30 for a plate of fruit and 3 glasses of OJ) we got ready for our departure. After checking out we headed to a really cool Japanese restaurant to eat before getting on the road. I delicately took in my sushi and cobb salad and headed to the car for the trek home.

Dissection:

I am a single mom who spends 55 (sometimes more) hours working weekly, with minimal help (he does go to his dad's on the weekend) but I am still working during these times as well. It felt so good to get away (knowing Sun was taken care of) and ENJOY myself, with out having to answer a list of questions from anyone.

I had good clean fun and I am so proud of myself. It wasn't about finding a man and "hooking up" or proving myself to anyone. It was about taking time to recharge and jump back into parenting and being a professional. God knows I needed it with the week I had once it was over!

I absolutely ADORE the city of Austin, TX. If I had family or more friends there, I would move in a heartbeat!

The End.

P.S.

I am not a drunk, I can just appreciate a few (dozen) shots of patron in a controlled environment. It tickles my fancy!

~austinwasgoodtome~

My Space... Da Lab!

2008-04-09T14:42:00.000-11:00

Hola mis Amigas y Amigos!

It is I, Rai and WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW HHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW! I indeed have found a new place to call home. I will apologize right now for the content of this blog. I will try my hardest not to use real names, but I will keep it real! What else would you expect?

I am so sad to say this, but I gave in to the whole "Myspace" epidemic. It caught me about two nights ago. My Wifi worked in my apartment (the 1st time in months) and it was on from there. I have already connected with a few friends from High School and I am so EXCITED... not about them necessarily, but just the thought of doing something new is amazing!

You all are experiencing my "other" space right here on Blog Spot. Normally my readers are really quiet and don't post comments... BUMP that! Please let me know how you feel about my posts by responding to them. Also note that I am a multifaceted person and will reveal some interesting things about myself. Don't be scared, I' m not. Life is but a dream.

I think what I am trying to say is, everyone needs to find their on space in life, what ever that may mean individually. I am sick and tired of living for others. I am taking care of me and I am prepared to dissect every waking moment of it on this blog!

I have a few topics in mind, but I won't post till tomorrow. I just received some good news, but I aint tellin'. It's a secret. I will let you all know in due time. Not to mention my AWESOME weekend in AUSTIN, TX last weekend. Ooooh so much... in due time.

WELCOME TO THE LAB!

The End.

~prepareforthefreedomofmyspace!~